


Never Anyone Else

by ArcadeYouthUnknown



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Episode: s02e13 Doomsday, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Introspection, The Doctor Loves Rose Tyler, this is going to hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcadeYouthUnknown/pseuds/ArcadeYouthUnknown
Summary: The most painful snippets of Doomsday, all played out from The Doctor's POV.This is going to hurt. Please be ready for pain.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. One World To Another

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loupettes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loupettes/gifts).



> All the thanks in the world to loupettes (both on here and on tumblr, please check her out) for being such a massive help with planning, meta ideas (ive totally stolen some ideas of this from her), beta reading, and being my Brit filter. Love you!

He has to do it. He has to send her away. Get her as far away from the Dalek and Cybermen threat as possible. As he stands there in the lever room of Torchwood, looking out the window at the chaos that is the London sky, he knows he doesn't have a choice.

All this time - all these days and hours and minutes spent terrified at the thought of losing her. Dwelling on what the beast said on Krop Tor, what that storm was that he knew was coming. She had so much potential, so much promise at a life he could only dream of. Losing her to the cold grip of death was his worst nightmare. The prophecy had been growing ever closer and closer and now, their time was almost up. He could feel it in his bones - the end of an era. Maybe the only way to stop it was to separate her from this world of his own volition. Stop the prophecy by sending her to a new reality altogether. He won’t allow this one to take her away.

The Doctor had run every scenario in his head, played out endless probabilities and possibilities in his mind and there's only one conclusion he can come to: Rose cannot stay safe here. It's as simple as that. His only viable solution to the invasion involves no chance of guaranteeing her safety, and that's a risk he cannot afford to take. 

The different methods of breaking this news to her were playing around in his brain. It has to be gentle, ever so gentle. This would be tough. He would have to put on a brave face, not give away his internal struggle before it was time. The Doctor was mulling over exactly what kind of display he would have to put on when he heard his name called. He turned to reply, a huge smile already plastered on his face.

“Oh, I'm ready.”

Showtime. 

He starts babbling, doing his best to ignore the fact that he was, in fact, the opposite of ready. As much as he knew exactly what it was that needed to happen, it was hard for him to come to terms with his current reality. Removing the one person from the equation that has made his life so much happier, so much more beautiful, so much _better_ , ever since she stepped into it.

“But we can't just leave. What about the Daleks? And the Cybermen?”

Perfect. Keep her engaged. Keep her talking. Keep her happy. He moves past Rose to get to the open area in the room. If he’s going to put on a performance, he’s going to need some space.

“They're part of the problem, and _that_ makes them part of the solution. Oh yes!”

He knows how to do this, he knows how to keep her happy. He’s been spending his last two regenerations trying to keep her that way as often as possible. Time to step up his game.

“Well? Isn't anyone going to ask? What is it with the glasses?”

“What is it with the glasses?”

Ah, there it is. That smile. Look at that smile. He feels his soul warm at the sight. The way her eyes crinkle in the corners, narrowing them just in the slightest to make room for that bright, gleaming, brilliant grin. The whole room feels brighter and more welcoming now that he can see her smile. The warmth it provides him only adds to the crushing of his hearts when he realises he may never see it again.

The babbling continues as he explains his plan while keeping Rose happy. He stays jovial, tries to keep the mood light. The last thing he wants is for that smile to fade, for it to leave his life forever. He even throws in a quick quip at her mother, earning a light giggle from Rose. He internalises it, commits the sound to memory, terrified he may never hear it again.

After Mickey chimes in, the tone of the room changes. It takes him a beat, but then The Doctor realises that she knows. She must know. He watches as the smile fades from her face, and gets replaced with worry. His hearts drop.

“But it's like you said. We've all got void stuff. Me too, because we went to that parallel world.”

She raises her arm to view the void stuff through the glasses. He swallows hard, and braces himself for what he has to say. What he has to do.

“We're all contaminated. We'll get pulled in.”

Concern is written on her face. It takes all his effort to not just drop the conversation and hug her. Hold her right here and take away all her worries. Tell her nevermind about the Daleks and the Cybermen, they can stay here together forever. Brush her hair behind her ear and whisper that everything will be alright, because he’s here. Her Doctor is here. 

There's no delaying it now. No more avoiding the situation, although he wishes he could avoid it forever. He’s had his fun, gotten his last moments of joy and shared them with Rose. Now he has to focus on saving her.

“That's why you've got to go.”

He watches her as she shakes her head in confusion. Even now, with millions of Daleks flying in the sky above them, she can’t possibly imagine why he would be talking about her leaving. She was always so confident in him. Always so sure that he would find a way for both of them to get out of any situation. The thought only furthers his pain as he's forced to continue. 

“Back to Pete's world.”

The sentence gives him an idea, maybe he can lighten the mood again. It’s a long shot, but the intensity of the conversation doesn't sit well with him, and he’s desperate to get back to the way it was before. He longs to see her smile one more time. So he makes a light quip about the name of the alternate universe, hoping for a reaction. There was none. Oh well.

He turns his attention back to Rose, accepting that he has no choice but to finish what he started. As soon as he says it, there's no turning back. His decision will be made material. Fixed in time. There is no other choice.

“I'm opening the void, but only on this side. You'll be safe on that side.”

The words hang in the air as he studies her face, watches her as she processes exactly what he's saying. Her eyes search the contours of his face, begging to see any sign of contradiction that will ease her fear. Recognition appears on her face as she begins to understand exactly what her future has in store for her. That her 'forever' was only ever temporary.

Pete asks him a question and The Doctor is grateful. Anything so he doesn’t have to face her agonizing stare. He can feel it bore into his soul, even as he turns his attention to Pete. She has a question ready as soon as he turns back to her.

“But you stay on this side?”

"But you'll get pulled in." Mickey chimes in now, adding his worry to the mixture. The Doctor doesn't look over, his eyes are too fixed into hers.

Rose looks at him intently, her question reflected within her dark pupils. He holds his gaze. Eyes verbalizing all the things he has never been able to tell her. How much he cares about her, how deep and unconditional his desire to protect her has now become. All the way to the point that he would prefer her to live in a different universe than to risk dying in this one. His eyes also try to convey all of his love for her. The all-encompassing, unyielding feeling that has taken over his mind and soul in these last few months with her by his side. He projects all of it onto her, willing her to understand.

He has to keep her out of harm's way. Has to guarantee that she will be able to live her life to the fullest. His hearts struggle to not break as he looks at her. It’s for the best. He knows that. But he can’t help the ache in his hearts as he watches hers break in front of him. 

The worry in her eyes and the finality of what must become of him and Rose becomes all too much to bear. Mickey's statement rings in his ears and he finally tears his gaze away from her. Using it as an opportunity to move away, to keep whatever resolve he has left within him to finish this task. He grabs the magnaclamps and begins to explain his plan. Rose trails behind, ready to make her case.

“I'm supposed to go.”

The Doctor can barely look at her. The waver in her voice is enough to completely break him. He drops the magnaclamp as an excuse to look away. He needs to leave. The situation is growing tense, and he is nothing if not the master of avoidance. His mind attempts to find the right words to reply to her with, but all that comes out is “Yeah.”

“To another world, and then it gets sealed off.”

He hates this, despises it with every inch of his being. Every cell in his body is screaming at him to leave, to be anywhere but here. Anywhere that isn't the receiving end of Rose vocalising his already gut-wrenching plan back to him. It sounds bad hearing it out loud, and even worse when it's coming from her lips.

“Yeah”

Not allowing himself to be part of this anymore, he goes over to the computer. There's work to be done still. Maybe he can distract himself. Any excuse to leave the increasingly tense situation.

“Forever."

He begins his work on the computer, programming it to open the void on his command. That word 'forever' hangs in the air between them. A spoken vow said so many moons ago, a commitment to each other that they could get through anything. Now it has a completely different connotation as it comes off her lips, a twisted facsimile of what it meant before. A broken promise.

"That's not going to happen.”

The voices of Jackie, Rose, and Pete enter The Doctors brain, but he’s typing away at the computer, trying his best to block out everything going on. They’ll leave, and then he’ll be fine. He'll be able to get back to work and finish saving the world. Except he can't block them out, and he overhears Rose - she isn’t going.

Of course she isn't. She wouldn’t be Rose Tyler if she wasn’t stubborn as a bull. 

“Mum. I've had a life with you for nineteen years, but then I met The Doctor,”

He's fully snapped his attention back to Rose now, hardly believing what he's hearing. Is she really trying to stake a claim as to why she should stay? _To her own mother?_

“and all the things I've seen him do for me, for you, for all of us. For the whole stupid planet and every planet out there.”

He can barely wrap his head around the things that Rose is saying. Such beautiful, amazing, _humbling_ things that he never could have imagined that she’d say about him. It makes his hearts soar, which only makes them fall harder when he realises what he has to do. He walks over, staying behind her so as to not alert her.

“He does it alone, mum.”

Pete glances over at him as he pulls the medallion out of his pocket. The Doctor responds by pulling one out of his pocket as well. The feeling of his hearts breaking in his chest makes every subsequent move agonizing. He doesn't want to do it. His Rose. 

He reaches out with the medallion in hand, hating that he has to take this from her. Her choice of whether to stay with him or not. It's not his choice to make, and yet he can’t allow the risk. He has to keep her safe.

“But not anymore, because now he's got me.”

The words stab into his hearts, shattering them as he puts the medallion around her neck. 

“What're you-”

And then she’s gone. Pete had pressed the button. The Doctor stands there, shattered hearts in pieces in his chest, with her words ringing in his ears. _'Not anymore'_. The faith that she had in him was astonishing. He had only proven to breach that faith. 

Her heartfelt words make the jagged pieces of his hearts cut him deeper. His soul bleeds out of his chest as he comes to terms with what he’s seeing - or rather, what he isn't seeing. Rose not by his side anymore.

He sighs. It’s for the best. It’s for the best. He keeps telling himself that as he walks over to the computer. She can have a life there. Find someone to love her and cherish her and treat her like she should be treated. Someone to give her the life she deserves. Maybe Mickey, even! The Doctor knows just how much that man loves her… almost as much as he does. He decides that he would like that. Plus her mother is there, she will help her carry on and everything will work out in the end.

But then she's standing there. Right there in front of him again. At first he thinks it may be his mind playing tricks on him. But no, she's really there! It takes his brain a moment to wrap around what has just happened. _She came back._

His mind starts racing. Too many thoughts, too many emotions. How could she come back? This wasn’t part of his plan. He can’t keep her safe here! Can’t she realise that this was for the best? And how could she leave her mother! He thinks back to his own mother, and what he wouldn’t give to see her again. 

It’s very telling, the feeling she must have for him, for her to choose him over her mum. Still, he’s angry anyway. Angry that she would willingly risk her life to stay with him, and leave her family behind. Angry because he’s terrified for her life, with the prophecy of her death quickly creeping back into his thoughts. Angry that somewhere, deep down inside, he's happy to see her again. Thrilled even, that he can look at her gorgeous face once more. Everything fuels his anger.

“Once the breach collapses, that's it. You will never be able to see her again. Your own mother!“

It's a harsh reaction, he knows it is. But he’s so terrified he doesn’t care.

“I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never going to leave you."

The resolve in her voice surprises him. She’s so confident. So _sure_ that this is where she should be. Her steady voice makes his shouting feel out of place. It calms him, in a way.

"So what can I do to help?”

How did he ever manage to find someone like her? What did he do to deserve someone so devoted to him?

She wasn't travelling with him for all the amazing planets and time periods to explore, she was there because she wanted to be with _him._ The thought, along with the look that she was giving him, shook him so much that he almost forgot he was supposed to be angry.

"Those coordinates over there, set them all at six. And hurry up!"


	2. Hold On Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most painful snippets of Doomsday, all played out from The Doctor's POV.
> 
> This is going to hurt. Please be ready for pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As before, many many thanks to loupettes for being all around the greatest person ever. Go check her out!

As The Doctor kept working away, he couldn't help but revel in just how nice it felt to be with Rose again. Even though this was definitely not part of his overall plan, he had to admit that having her back was comforting. Her presence filled the whole room with a soothing glow. A calm in his Oncoming Storm. The joy she was bringing all but made him forget about the prophecy.

Lost in his thoughts, the time to open the breach had come sooner than he was expecting. As he attaches the magnaclamp his worries are at bay, stifled by the excitement of another adventure with her - opening the void.

“Press the red button.”

Just like old times. The thrill of it all was an excitement he would never tire of. Instructions flow from his mouth quickly, telling Rose about his plans. But to be fair, they don't extend much beyond ‘hold on’. He readies himself before they start, pressing what was left of his trepidation towards the back of his mind. They can do this. Him and Rose - together. Just as it should be. 

“Let's do it!”

The Doctor and Rose push the levers up in unison, just as he watches the Daleks approach the room through the windows. A moment later, and they’re running for the magnaclamps. The breach opens, and The Doctor can’t help but feel a bubble of giddiness form inside of him as he gets swept off his feet. How much fun this is - the sensation of getting lifted off the ground, the void fighting to pull them in. They were defying reality, in a way. All known dimension travellers should be getting pulled in, disappearing forever into the vast nothingness. But here they are. The feeling is unparalleled. He sees the Daleks and Cybermen careen into the lever room through the same force that he’s being lifted by. His delight increases as he realises he’s done it. It’s finally almost over.

“The breach is open! Into the Void! Ha!”

He glances at Rose and sees her give him a small smile in reply. His body warms, reassuring him that everything will work out alright. It's amazing how just a simple smile from one Rose Tyler can comfort him even while the void is desperately trying to pull him into its dark, neverending clutches. 

Just then, he hears a noise. A sharp sound resembling machinery breaking. He looks towards the disturbance and sees the sparks coming off of the lever next to Rose. _‘Offline’_ , the computer tells them, and the Daleks and Cybermen are no longer flying through the room.

In an instant The Doctor’s hearts drop, as if a heavy weight is being thrown on his chest. The fear and apprehension from earlier comes rushing back in full force. He can hear the voice of the beast echoing in his head as he watches Rose take one hand off of the magnaclamp and reach out towards the lever.

“Hold on!”

He frantically reaches his arm out to her, wishing that he could do anything to help her. Put him in her place! Make him have to risk falling into oblivion! Anything so it isn't her. 

It's no use trying, and he’s forced to bear witness to Rose extending her arm out towards the lever, which is falling away from her just as quickly. His mind races as he hears her grunts of struggle, trying to find anything, _anything_ he can use to fix this. The noises she's making echo in his ear, making him just that much more desperate to find a solution. But there’s nothing. He has no choice but to just watch as the love of his life lets go of the clamp and wraps her hands around the handle of the lever instead.

“I've got to get it upright!”

He stares in horror, eyes fixed in position like he’s watching a car accident, except it’s _her._ His Rose, on the brink of death. It's more than he can bear. It takes every fibre of his being to not just let go of the magnaclamp and go over to her. It’s not that easy, he knows there would be no chance of saving her. She looks over at him, and it's not the first time today that her gaze has broken his hearts.

She manages it, somehow. Of course she does. His fantastic Rose. She gets the lever upright, even with the pull of the void working against her. He hears the computer confirm _‘Online and locked’._ But he knows this is far from over.

“Rose! Hold on!”

There's nothing he can do but scream. Hope that by some miracle they can wait this whole thing out. The dread builds up inside as he sees his worst nightmare taking place before him. The void is pulling her. She’s parallel to the floor now, the only thing keeping her here with him is her grip on the lever - and it's slipping.

He hears her struggling to keep her hold. The noises escaping from her only further his intense panic. Again he reaches out, knowing it's ineffectual but not letting that stop him. Willing the universe to allow him this one tiny favour. Let him have this small victory, to keep her for just a bit longer. He would do anything to stop this from happening. 

“Hold on!”

His terror bubbles to a boil as he realises what's about to happen. He sees it play out in his Time Lord mind as a fact, just seconds before it does.

Her fingers slip completely off of the handle. Agony pierces through his body, ripping his soul open and causing his time senses to fail. The seconds seem to slow as he watches her get ripped away from him. His vision tunnels as light no longer matters to him - nothing matters to him anymore. He hears her screaming. Time seems to come to a halt as he watches in anguish, completely powerless to stop her descent into the void. 

Their whole life together flashes before his eyes, as if he is the one about to die. He sees her on the day they first met, golden hair glistening around her face as he first told her to ' _run_ '.

_His brain registers screaming from somewhere around him._

He knew from that very first day that she was something special, and she always proved herself to be. 

_Something is screaming, something close._

From the time she was willing to risk her own life to stop the Slitheen invasion, to her returning to the game station to save the world, even to today, with her facing the Daleks head on, without blinking an eye. She's perfect in every way.

He hears the noise again, more screaming, and this time it pulls him from his stupor. A thought registers from within him that it may be his own screams, but he’s so separated from reality that he's not really sure anymore. The voice of the beast in his mind seems to mock him, toying with him, adding insult to injury. But he can't bring himself to care about that, either.

After what feels like an eternity, and yet no time at all, Pete appears right in front of the breach. He opens his arms just in time to grab Rose right before she falls in, and then that's it. They're both gone. The breach has closed. The Doctor is alone.

_Empty._

_Timeless._

_Broken._

He can't think. He can barely breathe. He stares at the spot where he last saw her, unable to look anywhere else. The scene he just witnessed plays over in his head on a loop, trying to comprehend what he just witnessed. His thoughts are crumbling around him.

_Can't talk._

_Can't think._

_No air._

His mind is lost, gone somewhere with Rose. The agony is so intense, it leaves him with nothing else. It takes all his strength to extract himself from the magnaclamp and walk over to that spot right by the wall. Every muscle in his body objects to the movement.

_Burning._

_Searing._

_Nothing._

Everything hurts. Everything is numb. He can barely see his surroundings, light is a meaningless part of life that The Doctor doesn't care to have enter into his brain. He can only focus on her face in his mind. The look on her face when she slipped off the lever. The anguish morphing her face as she was falling. A face he’ll never see again. He can't quite wrap his mind around it. She’s _gone_. 

_Rose._

_Rose Tyler._

_His Rose._

Her presence swirls around him, almost tangible in that space. He places his hand on the wall. It’s cool to the touch, doing what little it can to soothe The Doctor’s burning. He swears he can still feel her here, or is that just his mind unwilling to accept his new reality? A reality without her. He rests his head on the wall. A thought vaguely enters his brain that he may not be able to stand for much longer. He doesn’t care. Let him crumble to the floor and let the cool concrete wash everything away. 

His whole body aches for her, or it would if it weren't for just how numb he’s become. He isn't even sure if he's capable of feeling pain anymore. That'll be a nice change.

_Rose._

_Rose._

_Rose._

Those eyes, bright and shining as they look at him. That hair, golden in the sunlight as she runs with him. That smile, capturing his hearts as she jokes with him. The memories haunt him. Her presence is still palpable, and he wills it to stay with him. Wills it to not leave him like she did.

These last few moments with her have been a cruel joke from the universe. A trick it played to make The Doctor believe that he could still be happy, still have her with him. And he had fallen for it. 

_Blank._

_Hollow._

_Nothing._

Words disintegrate in his mind as his new reality sinks in. He forces himself off of the wall. Devoid of all thoughts. Completely empty. Completely alone.


	3. I Had A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most painful snippets of Doomsday, all played out from The Doctor's POV.
> 
> This is going to hurt. Please be ready for pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVEN MORE thanks to loupettes for this chapter, because this little American had no idea what 'quite right' meant, and without her the lovely analysis simply could not exist. Go check her out!

There she is. 

He can hardly believe it. A smile breaks out over his face as she fades into view. His body warms as he gets to lay eyes on her for the first time in - oh, so long now. Weeks? Months? He’s not sure anymore. He's been working towards this moment ever since that fateful day at Torchwood. The normally pleasant and candid life of travel was replaced with one of harrowing determination. Time blurred together as the goal of his entire existence was to get to this day. He wouldn’t have allowed himself to never see her again.

The timeframe of it hardly matters anyway, as he's finally achieved his goal. She’s looking away, vision off towards her family, standing farther away on what appears to be a beach. She looks so effortlessly beautiful. There's something about the way she stands there in those brief moments before she realises he’s appeared. She almost looks ethereal. The movement in his face feels strange, the smile working at muscles that he hasn’t used in such a long time now. The feeling is nice, but it's nothing compared to the feeling bubbling up in his chest. Every fibre of his being is alive and excited at the miracle unfolding in front of him - Rose Tyler. 

She turns to look at him. Her face seems composed, but The Doctor notes the pain in her eyes. A pain that she has had to live with for months now. He recognises it as heartbreak, but it's also something more. The realisation sweeps over him that it's the same frenzied hopelessness that he's experienced himself. He had hoped she would have fared better than him.

“Where are you?”

His face softens as she talks. His body feels like it's turning to putty as her words glide past his ears and take root in his soul, thawing his frozen hearts. It’s just as amazing as he remembers it. Just as sweet and buttery and light as he hears it in his dreams. But now he’s hearing it straight from her. 

“Inside the Tardis.”

He’s having a conversation with _Rose Tyler_. A real, full conversation! Not like the exchanges he has with her in his dreams: if they're pleasant, he won't hear her screams, reverberating through his mind and reminding him of how helpless he was on that day. He'll reach out, try to save her, but it's always too late. She always gets ripped away from him in the end. 

“There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close, and it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova.”

The lunacy of it all hits him. His frantic searching through books and scrolls and texts. His restless days spent inquiring about methods of universe travel. His deteriorating physical and mental state of being, just for the chance to see her again. The reality of him being here with her softens him even more. He almost smiles.

“I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye.”

“You look like a ghost."

“Hold on”

He takes the sonic screwdriver and uses it to boost the signal. What a shame that she hasn’t been able to see him fully opaque, whereas to him this whole time she’s looked as bright and vibrant as ever. A perfect little sun in his otherwise dark and dreary TARDIS. 

“Can I-”

She holds out her hand and he immediately knows what it is she wants to ask: she wants to touch him. Wants to finally be able to hold him and be held by him again. Oh, how he longs to touch her again. To reach out and grab her hand one last time. Feel her soft skin on his fingers as they interlock perfectly, as if they were made for each other. For them to run off into the distance, hand in hand as they always did, and forget about everything else. But he can’t.

“I'm still just an image.” 

He hates that he has to do this, has to tell her this. The words feel wrong on his lips. The last thing he wants is to force her to keep her distance. 

“No touch.”

The words are almost a whisper on his tongue as he wills them to be anything other than what they are. He sees her face fall, and any ounce of excitement he had held towards seeing her again is quickly extinguished.

“Can't you come through properly?”

Her request tears at him, but he has to keep it together. She's on the verge of tears and he can’t break down too. Not now, not here - in front of her. It’s already killing him that he can't reach out and comfort her. Smooth her windswept hair, kiss her delicate forehead...

“The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.”

“So?”

That makes him laugh. Of course she can make him laugh; even now, orbiting this supernova just for the chance to see her one last time. She still knows exactly the right things to say. The perfect words to fix his problem, or make his day, or save the world… she really, truly _is_ perfect. 

As he talks to her, he studies her face. That beautiful, marvellous face that he’s been trying to see again for so long now. The last time he saw it, he didn’t realise that it would be the end. He didn’t take it all in, take _her_ all in. This time, he's ready; he’s not letting this moment pass him by. 

He focuses on her eyes, the way they crinkle and look away as she pronounces the beach's name in Norwegian. The natural light hits them perfectly and her eyes sparkle like the sun, the tears only prove to magnify their beauty. He focuses on her hair, the way it flies around her face as the wind blows it about. The cut fits her face wonderfully - he’s always liked that style on her (not as if there were any he didn’t like). But most of all, he focuses on her mouth. The way her lips move as she talks, the natural pout she has that always makes her look absolutely breathtaking. And her laugh! Her face breaks into a smile at her own words and he feels alive again. Oh, to feel _alive_ once again, after all this time. He’s grinning from ear to ear, as if the scene wasn’t completely serious just moments before.

“How long have we got?”

All at once, the moment is gone. The cold reality sets in that this will all be ending soon. 

“About two minutes.”

Hardly enough time. Is there ever enough time with Rose Tyler? Could The Doctor ever be satisfied with the amount of time he gets to spend with her? He supposes not. It’s two minutes more than he had with her yesterday - two minutes more than he ever could have hoped to have with her again - and that would have to suffice.

“I can't think of what to say!” 

This makes him chuckle again, although not with the same joy from before. He looks at his feet, the awkwardness of the moment settling into his chest. Truth is, he can’t either. All those hours, days, minutes that he spent thinking of what he would say to her if he ever managed to see her again, and now that he’s here, it's like his mind is blank. All those ideas, gone as soon as he laid eyes on her. Her enchanting beauty had seemingly wiped his mind clean, as if it had to make room to take all of her in.

He looks back up at her and settles on something light, something easy. Her family.

“You've still got Mister Mickey, then?”

“There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey... and the baby.”

So much for easy. To be truthful, he imagined her and Mickey would have gotten back together (were they actually ever _not_ together?) after everything. He wanted it, even. Someone kind and compassionate that could give Rose the life he never could. To love her in the way that he never allowed himself to… She would make such a wonderful mother.

But part of it stung more than he thought it would. The idea of them together never brought him warm feelings. Even as he grew to like the man and even now, separated by a whole universe, the thought doesn’t rest easily in his mind. He notices something resembling jealousy bubbling up within him. He knows it shouldn’t; he has no right.

His response needs to be measured, calculated. The last thing The Doctor needs is for Rose to think he isn't happy for her.

“You're not?”

“No."

She laughs lightly, as if The Doctor was daft for even having the idea.

"It's mum.”

A half-chuckle, half-sigh escapes from his throat. He hopes it didn’t sound too much like relief. She _should_ move on, as much as it hurts to admit. It’s the best life he could possibly give her.

“She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way.”

His face softens as he looks at her. Rose Tyler. Living her best life with a mum _and_ a dad now. The thought fills his hearts with a fondness so sincere it surely must be evident on his face. 

“And what about you? Are you-”

“Yeah, I'm back working in the shop.”

He keeps his face neutral, but he’s a bit surprised. She's so smart and so _overwhelmingly_ capable. Her mind has put together pieces of puzzles that even he couldn't solve. She deserves so much more than a simple life.

“Oh, good for you.”

“Shut up. No, I'm not. There's still a Torchwood on this planet. It's open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens.”

A swell of pride blossoms within him. That's his girl. He couldn’t be any more proud of her if he tried. _This_ is what she deserves. A full life, with a full family, full of happiness and accomplishment. His mouth pulls up onto a smile and he can't help but beam from ear to ear.

“Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth.”

But she doesn’t smile. These last two minutes, he supposes, are a bit too heavy for lighthearted conversation.

The mention of Torchwood reminds him of her status back home. He can't withhold the information from her, she has the right to know. 

“You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead.”

He knows it isn't pleasant to hear, but it's important. Important for her to realise what she still has, what she can make of this second chance at life.

“Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.”

The air shifts again as they enter into what he knows is the end of their time together. The two minutes are drawing to a close, and there's nothing this lord of time can do to stop it.

“Am I ever going to see you again?”

The words punch him in the gut. If only it were that easy - if only he could pop back and forth and visit her whenever he wanted. Rassilon knows he’d be here every day. She breaks as she says it, and the sobs in her voice pierce through his flesh and tear him apart. He’s reconsidering his ‘no touch’ rule, just so he can reach out and comfort her. 

This was never supposed to happen. She was never supposed to have a life without him. He always knew that she would grow old and die and live her whole life with him, only leaving him behind to exist without her. But now that's changed. Now he's standing here telling her that they are going to have to endure the same grueling, miserable future - a life without each other.

“You can't.”

It breaks his hearts to have to say it, to have to admit that this is the end of them. All this time, all those adventures that they’ve gone on. That they still could have gone on. He longs for a reality where that could still happen. He’s not ready for this to be over.

“What're you going to do?”

That's the last thing he wants to think about. What _is_ he going to do? All The Doctor really wants to do right now is take Rose away from here. Get the two of them far away from this harsh reality and live peacefully somewhere else. Somewhere where they can be together.

The emotions threaten to overcome him, but he has to keep his composure. Stay level-headed and be strong for her. Except he doesn't feel very strong. Right now he feels like the most ineffectual, insignificant Time Lord to have ever lived. What good is he here? Standing in front of the woman he loves, but completely unable to help her, hold her, console her? 

He pushes it all aside. He’ll be okay. He’s always ok. She needs to see him like this so she can move on. Live her life to the fullest. It’s the only thing that matters in the end.

“Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Time Lords.”

“On your own?”

The weight of the question hits him hard. She always hated the idea of him being on his own. She knew better than he did that he always needed someone. Someone to stop him from going too far, someone to make him feel less alone... She was always so good at being that someone. 

His neck moves in a stiff nod. He doesn’t want to be alone just as much as she doesn’t want him to be. So many days spent on his own since the Time War. So much pain, so much loneliness. But no amount of human comfort would be able to fix that forever. It was just another fact that he was going to have to accept.

“I lo-”

He knows what this is. What she’s about to say. He could feel it coming moments before. A whisper on the wind surrounding them. Even so, he doesn’t rush her. This is her moment. Those words are hers, and he won't take them from her like he’s taken everything else. She can take her time with this. It’s so important to her. So important to him too in a way, in these final moments. He encourages her silently, letting her cherish and embrace what she’s about to say. Let it surround her and fill her, so it can be everything she's always imagined it to be.

“I love you.”

The words send warmth directly to his hearts. Of course she does. Their love has become all too undeniable in their last few months together. They had practically become inseparable both inside and outside the TARDIS. Even still, hearing her say it makes his hearts swell with joy. 

“Quite right, too.”

He responds automatically. Because it's them. Because she’s got nothing to be afraid of. He’s her partner in crime, her teammate, her best friend. Those words, always left hanging in the air but never spoken aloud, would never change anything between them. Because it's obvious. Their love has always been obvious, even when they were too blind to see it. 

Her words embolden him. Finally break the seal that was holding him back. He always planned on saying it, ever since that day on Krop Tor. Ever since he realised how _exhausting_ it was to try and stifle his love for her. Eventually he would say it, but the timing was never right. Now though, there was no more time left.

It didn’t need to be said, he knew that she already knew. But he needed to say it, he _wanted_ her to hear it from his own lips.

“And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it,”

He gathers all of his love for her. Every little fibre of his being that exists solely for Rose - to see her, to treasure her, to make her smile. All of that emotion that has been growing within him ever since he first laid eyes on her, back in that basement so long ago. He bundles it all together into a ball of pure love, and readies himself to present it to her. This moment has to be absolutely perfect, he needs it to be.

“Rose Tyler-”

But as he says it he knows, as she fades away in front of him, that he's too late. Her image is gone before he even finishes saying her name, and he’s left standing there, in the console room of his TARDIS, just as she said. Completely alone.

Tears begin to fall, no longer being held back by Rose’s careful gaze. _Rose_. The name feels like sandpaper grating against his brain. What had he done? An all too familiar pain sears throughout his chest as he begins to comprehend what had just happened. The only Time Lord who’s ever ran out of time. What a cruel joke. The words that he never had a chance to say play on his lips now. Taunting him and poisoning his tongue. Now those words, too, were taken away from her.

A deep-set despair settles into him like a bottomless pit. What is he supposed to do now? Just continue on without Rose? After he took such a precious, special thing away from her? Those words meant _so much_ to her, how could he move on knowing that he denied her of that? 

His hands reach up to wipe his face, attempting to physically remove his sorrow by removing his tears. He pushes the feelings down, and they get replaced with a horrifying numbness.

The lack of feeling is a strange sensation in his chest. The empty coldness leaves his previously warmed hearts feeling raw and exposed. The feelings were almost better. Almost. 

Emotionless and uncaring, he walks over to the console and begins to depart. There's nothing else to do now but to disappear. Depart from this supernova and depart from his life with Rose. Broken. Hollow. Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it through this whole thing - I'm sorry. I hope you're doing ok. I love you.


End file.
